to myself: be kind.
We sold our house of ten years last December, and moved five humans and all of their things out the week before Christmas. My in-laws graciously made space for us in their home while we are currently awaiting our new house to be finished, and we’ve been bunking in JoJo’s old bedroom in a real full-circle kind of way. January is typically a month of fresh starts for most people, but for us it felt like we were just trying to get our footing underneath our bodies and back on the ground again. For me personally, it has felt like I’ve been in a holding pattern of sorts for months now, able to move forward in some things, but generally feeling stuck in most. Just to give you an idea of how much we are crushing 2022 so far, it’s only February and I’m already 21 days behind in our group Bible reading plan that we started for the New Year. I went and finally bought bigger pants instead of making any resolutions to get back into the ones that used to work for me. Homeschooling our big kids has stutter-started a couple of times, and my three year old is consistently late to his school drop-off each day and always missing some essential item in his cubby, which I know drives his teachers nuts. But here’s what I know now that I didn’t know before.
Construction timelines are not promises, and it’ll be finished when it’s good and ready to be finished, regardless of how ready YOU are. Whatever your contractor tells you, it’s probably safe to double that estimated timeframe and just be pleasantly surprised if they finish “early”. You should also know that they’re usually not off the mark because they don’t know what they’re doing or because they are trying to ruin your lives, but rather because there are a thousand hurdles that they’ve got to clear to get to the finish line, and they are just mere mortals like you. And though it may not feel like it… you really are going to be okay. Waiting is hard, and so is building houses. And on the bright side: The waiting season is much shorter than the living-in-it season. Plus, we could all use a little practice with patience, right?
As far as reading the Bible goes, I don’t know who lied to you, but you are never “behind”. I make an effort to take it in every single day. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t. BUT, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,” (Romans 8:1) so I don’t hop on the guilt carousel anymore thinking about all that I shoulda-coulda-woulda done. Whenever you open it, you’re right on time. Plus, I often find in scheduled reading plans that if I’m off a bit, it’s usually something I needed more at that time rather than the regularly scheduled programming, which is always a sweet reminder that this whole thing is more about building a friendship rather than checking a box. What a friend we truly have in Jesus.
My new pants are great too! They were on sale at Target, most of them are flowy or have stretchy waistbands (even the jeans!) and I get compliments on them all the time. I knew in January that setting any kind of weight loss or diet resolutions for the New Year would be a shame trap, because we were already in major transition. Since being in limbo, we eat out a lot more than we normally do, we share a kitchen with family, and we’re generally just not around the house much which can make food tricky. Revamping food and fitness takes a little more forethought and brain space, both of which were not in abundance at the time. And when my father-in-law wakes up early and makes bacon and biscuits like he is right now… YES, I’ll take one, thank you very much. So I’m trying to keep it simple and make healthy choices whenever I can, wear things that fit me now that I feel comfortable in, move my body whether I can make it to the gym or not, and just freakin’ be KIND to myself. And that’s enough.
And when it comes to my three year old being perpetually late for school, it has just become our new normal for now. I hate being late for things, I hate rushing, and I hate disappointing people. I realized after awhile that the morning rush was literally bringing out the worst in all of us, and I was starting the day off feeling ticked and frazzled. So we released the pressure valve, slowed down a little, and chose connection instead. He might be missing his “water cooler talk” before he and his friends start their workday in the classroom, but on the bright side he got to eat his whole bowl of oatmeal at his own pace and give everyone a kiss before he left the house. I want to invite sweetness into our mornings and dismiss the crazy. Slowing down just a tad seemed to do the trick.
Here’s the thing… Sometimes things really are a BIG deal. But most of the time it’s really not. We need patience, not pressure. We can be gentle, kind, and tender-hearted to each other AND to ourselves. There’s a time to buckle down and do the things that need the doing, but sometimes a long exhale is actually the thing you need most. Give yourself permission when you need it.
Be kind to yourself. Honor where you want to be, but also honor where you are right now. And don’t forget how far you’ve come.
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?…Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
(Matthew 6:25-27, 34)
