Making friends is hard. Especially when you homeschool. We have been on the hunt for some 10-ish year old friends who could maybe come alongside of us in this wild ride of life and learning together, and while we’ve got some promising buds, we’ve also had a ton of strikeouts. It’s affected our girl the most, and while I know this is tough for her, I’m trusting that when the time is right the Lord will knit together just who she needs for a season such as this. Just like He is doing for me. 

We sold our house of ten years last December, and moved five humans and all of their things out the week before Christmas. My in-laws graciously made space for us in their home while we are currently awaiting our new house to be finished, and we’ve been bunking in JoJo’s old bedroom in a real full-circle kind of way. January is typically a month of fresh starts for most people, but for us it felt like we were just trying to get our footing underneath our bodies and back on the ground again. For me personally, it has felt like I’ve been in a holding pattern of sorts for months now, able to move forward in some things but generally feeling stuck in most.

I was stuck at home on a Saturday and feeling sidelined from all of the action because #toddlers, so naturally I was having a pity party, table of one, for no reason at all, and I began the endless cycle of insta-scrolling. After seeing beautiful homeschool posts of peaceful and kind-hearted children joyfully learning together at home, I started thinking about how much grumbling happened in our own little school room. How bad attitudes seemed more frequent than kind gestures. How I meet resistance at almost every juncture of our day, no matter what kind of fun or enchantment we’ve tried to weave into it. Then I started wondering - was it me? Was it something I was doing wrong? Are we not doing enough? Have we made the right choice? The insecurity and self-doubt was raging strong, and it was so unexpected and felt slimy.

I’m having a really hard time slipping into any consistent workout routine these days since our schedule is so scattered, but I’m fighting to keep that block in my calendar because I’ve come to realize how much I desperately need it. In these last few years, I’ve begun to notice how stress balls up and tenses my insides and tangles my heart - but if I can work it out, move it through and out of my body and burn it off, every other area of my life feels those ripple effects. I am less irritable. I want to punch less people in the face. I feel tired, but in an accomplished kind of way, which kinda feels nice. My body has now released endorphins, which triggers happy hormones and generally leads my brain towards more positive thinking. I feel more energized to move on to the next thing, since after all they do say that “what’s in forward motion stays in motion”, right? The simple act of working out seems to promote a shift in my whole person, a good shift.